Today I Stink at Being Me

dirty dishes blog photo

Some days I’m pretty awesome. Really. At the end of the day I give myself a pat on the back because I managed to accomplish all the things on my to-do list, plus a few more. I look at those little check marks in the boxes I drew next to each item with great satisfaction. Whether it’s attending to clients, taking care of household responsibilities, starting or ending a project, arriving at appointments, or engaging in some sort of social activity, I feel positive about my efforts and happy that I may have enhanced someone else’s day as well.
Today was not one of those days. I got up an hour late because I just kept allowing the grip of sleep to hold me in my bed and repeatedly smack that snooze button. When I tried to be productive with online tasks, I was much too distracted and gave in to my Facebook urges. Finally, I chose to ignore the sinkful of dirty dishes and thick layer of pet hair and dust (that seems to be EVERYWHERE!) and got myself out of the house 30 minutes past my estimated departure time. I was planning to go to 3 back to back appointments in Tampa that I had planned for today, based on their geographic proximity (see, I really do plan well).
I got in my car and realized I needed gas, which was not along the route to said appointments. Pulling into the gas station I received a text message from my husband asking if I knew why his debit card was denied at McDonalds. Now, you should know that I have the most supportive, tolerant, and patient husband to be found anywhere. He never complains and rarely reminds me if I’ve forgotten to take care of something that is normally my responsibility. The reason he was getting food at McDonald’s today is that there was absolutely nothing lunch-worthy in our house because I had not thought about going grocery shopping lately. A quick investigation revealed our checking account was overdrawn because I lost track of our spending somewhere between the website redesign week and our weekend-long out of town soccer tournament. I also noticed I had forgotten to deduct a couple of automatic payments that came due this week. We were charged $29 in overdraft fees. My self-proclaimed awesomeness was completely gone at this point.
Fortunately, I was near our bank and could go shift some money and return us to in-the-black status. But sitting in the parking lot and feeling completely inadequate and overwhelmed for the moment, I slammed on my mental brakes. Before being consumed by my self-imposed guilt for sucking at being Superwoman, I decided to retreat and create a new game plan. I made a choice to back out of 2 of my commitments, which were not completely necessary and nobody would be let down in the process. I rescheduled the third. I went and bought a few groceries and plan to actually cook something this evening. I’m taking the night off from working and going to enjoy my daughter’s performance at school. But most importantly, I am forcing myself to heed the advice I would expect others to take if I were asked. It’s OKAY! It’s really okay to mess up sometimes. The world will go on, in spite of my occasional neglect. Man, it’s hard, but I will listen to myself this time.

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